The Top Fifteen Rules for Boys (Written by Boys for Boys) RULE #6–NO FARTING WITHOUT WARNING

My four- and nine-year-old sons, Luke and Patrick, have been able to follow the first five rules they developed for keeping their parents happy. But this sixth rule–No farting without warning–is a joke. Not a literal joke. They had all good intentions when adding this to their list of rules. But they can’t follow it.

Now Patrick, age nine, knows that he should warn us before he gasses up the area. But he doesn’t. He just remains silent, then claims his fart.

But my four-year-old Luke is involved in full-on fart warfare at all times. If he has to gas, he’ll sit on me. Or he’ll put his butt in front of his brother’s face. Or he’ll turn toward me, then tell me that he just “farted in my general direction.”

After he farts on or toward one of us, we play it up, gagging, coughing, squirming as if we’re in the midst of our dying breaths. It makes him feel powerful to elicit such extreme reactions. He thinks it’s hysterical to cause us so much pain, so he keeps us on our toes with his weapon of choice.

And it is a weapon. It’s amazing how much stink can come out of such a little body.

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