I’m a Big, Pregnant, Snoring Bed-Hogger

During my waking hours, I’m normally a considerate person. But according to my sweet husband, at night, in our shared queen-size bed, I—32 weeks pregnant and up 55 pounds—have become downright rude.

He admitted to me two weeks ago, following the night that I’d been afraid I was in pre-term labor, that he’d been up since 1 a.m. because, “You were on my side of the bed, and you’re big.”

“Why didn’t you push me back onto my side?”

Incredulous, he answered, “I thought you were in labor. I wasn’t going to touch you. Instead, I lay there for two hours, then just got up.” (This is where I need to mention that my husband’s normal wake-up time, seven days a week, is between 3 a.m. and 3:30 a.m., so he lost out on two to two-and-a-half hours of sleep, not the multitude of hours you would expect.)

And I’m snoring—or something of the sort—every single night. At my request, he’s tried to describe it to me, even mimicking the sound effects. He says it’s not loud, and perhaps it can’t be technically classified as snoring. He can best define it as sounding as if I’m struggling to breathe.

I know from my girlfriends that their husbands snore when they’ve gained weight. So I recognize that my massive weight gain is a major contributor to my snoring, along with my allergy-related asthma, which only surfaces to the extreme when I’m pregnant. I diligently use my inhalers, apparently to no avail when I’m asleep.

I was fat and asthma-riddled when I was pregnant with my 5-year-old son, and my husband, then my boyfriend, stuck by me for the nine months of my pregnancy—a pregnancy made possible via intrauterine insemination (IUI) with anonymous donor sperm.

“Did I snore like this the last time?” I asked him yesterday. “I don’t remember you saying anything about it.”

“Well, back then, I was in love,” he said, then winked.

I know he’s still in love, because, when I’ve offered to sleep on the couch, he proclaims the idea “ridiculous.”

I know he’s still in love, because, to drown out my snoring-like sounds, he uses earplugs, so we can both get ample sleep.

And when I resort to bed-hogging, he does nothing, putting me first.

While I always appreciate my husband, reading a recent Ask Amy column in the February 24 issue of The Chicago Tribune made me pretty much worship him. When you read about the insensitive husband of this pregnant snorer, I’ll bet you’ll join me in my husband-worship too.

Expectant parents need their Z’s

Ask Amy
February 24, 2010

Dear Amy: I am 8 1/2 months pregnant with my second child. I am a stay-at-home mom. Unfortunately, my pregnancy is causing me to snore. My husband wakes me up throughout the night to tell me to stop or get me to change positions.

I’ve asked him to stop waking me because it is really hard for me to fall asleep as it is and after he wakes me up, I sometimes can’t fall back asleep for at least an hour.

He says that because I stay at home with our 2-year-old son, I can nap in the afternoon — and that he needs his rest for work.

I found out that when he was on a business trip he had to share a room with someone who snored. I teasingly asked him if he woke that person up throughout the night. My husband said the person’s snoring didn’t bother him because he wore earplugs.

I asked him to wear earplugs at home and said I’d set my alarm and wake him when he needed to get up for work.

He shrugged off my suggestion and continues to wake me.

His night awakenings have gotten so bad that I’ve started sleeping on the uncomfortable guest bed, tossing and turning most of the night.

I think he’s being a selfish jerk and should let me sleep. What is your take?

— Mad Mom

Dear Mad: If earplugs worked for your husband and he bothered to wear them in your bed, neither of you would wake up during the night. His refusal to do so must remind you of your toddler’s behavior.

I assume you have checked with your physician and there is no cure for your temporary snoring, so the only other solution I can envision is for your husband to sleep in the guest bedroom during the last phase of your pregnancy.

Your husband is being selfish. Assume that sleep deprivation has made him cranky.

You could try to open this topic with him during a neutral moment by saying, “I’m sorry about the snoring. I know it’s disruptive. Can you help me think of a solution so we can both get more sleep at night, honey?”

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