When I met my husband 5½ years ago, I had completed six solo pregnancy attempts—all unsuccessful—and was in the midst of my seventh intrauterine insemination (IUI) cycle.  I immediately told him of my plans—to do one more IUI, then move to in vitro fertilization (IVF), before pursuing adoption.  And, while most men would have bolted, my independence—not to mention my honesty—made my then-boyfriend more attracted to me than he’d ever been to any other woman.

So, he stayed. 

He stayed when I got pregnant nine days after we met. 

He stayed when his friends gave him a perfect mockup of the cover of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, with theirs titled What to Expect When Your Girlfriend’s Expecting Another Man’s Baby.

He stayed when colleagues continued to ask him, “Is your girlfriend still pregnant?”

He stayed when a friend said he’d never heard of any relationship like ours—except on “The Jerry Springer Show.” 

He stayed because we had an unprecedented connection; our relationship was positive, fun, honest and filled with respect; he’s independent and self-confident; he doesn’t make his life decisions based on what other people think; and because I never pressured him.   I was the only woman he’d ever seriously dated who wasn’t expecting him to make her dreams come true.  I was taking responsibility for my own life, for fulfilling my own goals.

And, all of those people who initially teased my husband about his relationship with me recognized that our relationship made him happy, the happiest they’d ever seen him, so they eventually jumped on board, sending me baby gifts although I’d never even met some of them, celebrating with us at our wedding, and proclaiming us one of the best-matched couples they’ve ever known.

Our relationship is old news at this point, so no one is ribbing my husband about his prior choice to date a woman pregnant with the baby of an anonymous sperm donor.  But, this morning, I read the Chicago Tribune Sunday cover story by Kevin Pang, titled, “Are Funny Women Intimidating?” and it made me consider how much flack my husband may be getting because of the content of my blog.

In the “Are Funny Women Intimidating?” feature, Pang outlines, via interviews with more than 20 female improvisers, how their dating lives have been affected by “civilians”—their term for men working outside the improv community—who are intimated or embarrassed by them. 

Pang explains, “Even in 2009, we live among antiquated conventions.  No matter how much we push against what we know feels wrong, gender stereotypes still are embedded in us.” 

Pang interviewed Bernard Beck, associate professor emeritus of sociology at Northwestern University and a stage actor for 30 years, who said, “Even after a long period of transformation of women’s role in society, older, traditional images are still on everyone’s mind.  In relationships, women seem to be pleased more often with somebody who shows power, ingenuity and can put on a good show.  Men seem to more often look for a good audience.  And if the person you want to be an audience to you is instead seizing the limelight, that may not be the bargain you’re looking for.”  To read the full article, log on to www.chicagotribune.com/features/family/chi-1108-funnygirlnov08,0,4559069.story

My blog, operating since July 13, has covered my infertility and treatments, past and present; my confirmation that I am a DES Daughter, a woman whose mother took the synthetic estrogen diethylstilbestrol (DES) while pregnant, creating abnormalities of my reproductive organs; my high-risk pregnancy; the loss of our unborn son two months ago; my pregnancy symptoms; and more. 

I have been unflinchingly honest, because I am confident enough, at this stage of my life, to do so—and because, if more women had been comfortable sharing this information, more women, including me, would have been able to make educated decisions about our health, our childbearing plans, our futures.  I, for example, not knowing I was a DES Daughter, took unnecessary estrogen, via the birth-control pill and fertility medications, for almost 20 years, putting myself at increased risk for breast, ovarian, uterine, cervical and vaginal cancers. 

My blog is successful, attracting more and more readers—and extraordinarily loyal readers.  My website and blog have been operational for less than four months, yet 62% of my readers have visited more than once, 40% have visited nine or more times, 31% have 15 or more visits, 21% have more than 25 visits, and 8% have more than 50 visits.  Further, 2% have more than 100 visits, even though I’ve only posted 84 blogs.

I receive e-mails from women undergoing infertility treatments, those who’ve lost their unborn children, those who are scared because they took estrogen during their pregnancies and fear that damage has been done to their children.  They call my blog “inspirational,” “educational,” “informative,” and want to reach out to someone they know understands what they are experiencing.

But, while my blog is attracting more and more positive attention, my target audience is women, not the men who might harass my husband.  So, I asked him if he’s being teased, and he said, “Of course.”  He said he’s asked why he can’t “control his wife.”  He’s ribbed because I’m open about my DES deformities and pregnancy symptoms.

And, he said he just laughs with these men because he is proud of me.

In the final paragraph of the “Are Funny Women Intimidating?” article, author Pang states, “Then came the realization:  This was never about funny women.  It’s about weak men.”

Well said.  Well said—by a strong man…

Strong men are rare, but my husband is one of them.