I Wear Incontinence Pads

Yes, it’s true. 

After experiencing urine leakage in the initial weeks of my pregnancy, I was cured at the 10-week mark, when I stopped my daily injections of progesterone oil and my three-times-a-day vaginal progesterone suppositories.  But, my freedom from urinary incontinence lasted only a few weeks. 

For three weeks now, starting in my 13th week of pregnancy, I pee myself when I sneeze or cough—to the extent that I have to change my underwear and jeans.  Obviously, I can’t live like this, so I’ve had to suffer the humiliation of shopping in the incontinence section of the grocery store, at age 41, quickly and discreetly trying to evaluate the multitude of options.

I went with Poise® Pads, long length, with moderate absorbency, which offer “discreet bladder protection.”  Basically, they’re like ultra-ultra-thick sanitary pads.

And, I have to wear them 24/7, just to be safe. 

Last Friday night, at the Halloween Karaoke Party my husband and I attended, I told my neighbor how I’ve bought new, bigger bras, but have already outgrown them.  (When I was pregnant with my son five years ago, I went from a 34C to a 40E after my milk came in…)  My friend, who has already loaned me all of her maternity clothes, offered to give me her nursing bras.  She then added that she has a “maternity thong” that was a gift, but she never wore it, so it isn’t “used,” if I want it too.

I deadpanned, “I don’t think the maternity thong would really work with my incontinence pads.”

Yet, the fact that there is a market for maternity thongs is proof that some pregnant women still feel sexy.

Me?  I have excess facial hair.  I have forehead, neck and chest acne.  I have bright-blue veins crisscrossing my ever-growing breasts.  I’m bloated and gassy.  I pee myself.  I’m having trouble walking, because of my 30-pound weight gain and bad knees.  And, I’ll only be 16 weeks’ pregnant tomorrow.

So, no, sexy isn’t in my vocabulary while pregnant. 

Not even when I’m offered a free, brand-spanking-new maternity thong.

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